while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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