we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
