??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My liver just had a heart attack.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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