1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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