I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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