I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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