Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
