Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
