I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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