All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's no shave November. This is our time.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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