Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
