dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
