he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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