i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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