who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
