It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just want to make out with him forever
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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