My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
