Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It's Friday. Sex?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
