Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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