I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
