I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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