You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
