Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
