The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
