I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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