my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
