If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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