wakey wakey hands off snakey
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
