i don't like sucking hair
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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