This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
