I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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