it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
