Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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