I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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