I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
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