You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
