There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
