he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
