forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
