Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
