Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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