omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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