We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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