He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
