and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
