dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It was like getting head from an anaconda
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
