There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
