Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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