Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
