matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
